Surrendering to Rest

Exhausted, fallen yet hope-filled and faithful is the Biblical image of Jesus on the cross. He was hope-filled because His mind was set on the things above. He was faithful because He knew His father well enough to be certain that better times were coming. His sacrifice was worth the pain. Here I sit reflecting on my sacrifice. Since before I left for Africa in July I see the writing. My own words scribbled in my journal, "Father, I surrender my will, my plans, my hopes, my desires, and everything I want to you." What I have seen happen is to have all the things I believed in from a natural standpoint striped away. It's caused my heart to waiver, my faith to crumble, but through it all I surrender to His plan for me. The plan of the Creator can't always be understood by human eyes and my over active mind which loves to plan it all out. 

The journey is my journey because I was bold enough to take a moment to give it all up. I was brave enough to relinquish my own desires. The road is far from over and the journey is not paved. I can never compare my own sacrifice to that of the Savior yet I can reflect on how He reacted to the pain. I don't know how or what is to come. I can't see the end but I can choose to follow the faithfulness of Jesus. He knew His father well enough to know that better times were coming. I know the same. Yesterday, I clearly heard that still small voice inside say to let go and rest during this time of the unknown. So, I rest. While my man searches for a job in the midst of this layoff, I stand in complete surrender. While the medical reasons for my pain and sickness go unanswered, I stand in complete surrender. While we struggle to raise a child who has multiple special need struggles, I stand in complete surrender. While I have receive the diagnosis that forces me to relinquish my fertility producting plans towards bearing a child after 16 years of infertility, I stand in complete surrender. 

Crumbled faith does not have to stay in a heap. Instead, it is being re-established. Miracles abound in the midst of faith-filled living. There is a solid purpose in faith and surrender. Hope is not lost. It is found. My words do not go void as they travel to the throne. I surrender it all because He is the one who loved me enough to surrender it all for me. Don't stay defeated in your seemingly defeated position in life. There is hope. 

If I can do this, so can you. Together, we stand with arms high and hearts abandoned to the One who gave it all.