Sunday, October 3, 2010

I Believe in Miracles ~

Audrey Hepburn said it best, "I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles."

You know what I love about this quote? She didn't stop at telling us she is a girly girl or that she likes a lot of romance. She went on to say she believes that a new day is coming and on the otherside of the moon is a chance for a miracle. We all should embrace who we are and I know we all want a little...romance...but most of all, we all NEED a miracle. There is something in your life that you have been waiting and hoping for. I'm waiting for answers to some huge issues. I have friends who are waiting for answers and solutions to relationship issues, unfullfilled dreams, and so many other things. The list goes on and on. I want you to have that miracle as bad as I want it for myself. The exciting thing is that God wants to perform one for you and me. My problem is that I forget who is on my side. Assuming responsibility results in me losing focus. I start to think about the mountain in front of me, grab a spoon, and start scooping. Believe me, I work dilegently until I'm exhausted. I work with a passion to solve the issue all the while my actions scream, "I can move the mountain all by myself if I just scoop harder and work faster." After a while the only thing that moves is myself as I collapse. If you don't see me as a pile on the floor you will see me short-tempered and close to tears at the drop of a hat. Do you know what I mean? I forget about the great big God that is anxiously awaiting my surrender to Him so He can perform the miracle and move that mountain.

Today, at church, our pastor said we need to start making appointments with God. We make appointments with everyone else but not God. I know He is the one who can do supernatural miracles and yet I don't go to Him first. Something is wrong with that picture. I'm daydreaming about the miracles which will be present this week if I stop trying to make things happen and instead sit back and reorganize my time. I'm committing to putting things in order. God first, family second, career third, and then everything else.

Thank you God for promising us a miracle.

I believe in colors that paint the sky with hope with each rainbow. I believe in love that stands the test of time. I believe in living as if there is no tomorrow. I believe in never leaving without a kiss and saying I love you. I believe the most beautiful girls I know love God with all their heart and it shines on their face as they endure and stand in faith. I believe in tomorrow. I can't wait to see the miracles! ~ Amber

Friday, October 1, 2010

I heart Mr. GG ~

Mr. GG is my new friend. He taught me something about myself that I didn't know I needed to learn. Before I tell about what I learned I want to tell you about my new friend. He is magnificent. The most amazing thing about him is that he listened to everything I had to say and with no words showed me areas in myself that I needed to overcome. The more I engaged the more he responded to me as though we had always been friends. Our time together was short. Really we were only able to spend a few hours together and it was one of the best times of my life! Romance is such a funny thing. He romanced me with his never ending strength. It was like he has always been there and will always be. One thing about Mr. GG is he forever changed me and for that I will always love him!

You see, we met for the first time last week. I was in San Francisco visiting for the first time. I heard he could change my life if I was brave enough to introduce myself and pour out my heart to this stranger. As I was approaching him I realized that I might not be welcomed or comfortable interacting with him. He was huge and I felt overwhelmed by his powerful presence. As I moved closer to meeting him, I realized that I really didn't want to be alone on this voyage. I began to question what I was really fearful of and what that meant in my life. Really now, I tried to slap myself with reality. I'm here in public with lots of other people, although strangers, I was not alone. But, I was the only one who had any idea of the sadness and fear that gripped me in an unknown city where I knew no one's name for miles and miles. This is the moment I will forever remember. I began a dialog with Mr. GG and spilled out all my fears.

Being alone was not really a bad thing, it was a fantastic thing. It was what I needed in order to think about all God has been teaching and showing me lately. I realized no matter how big a situation may seem it is only as big as you give it the power to be in your life. This is the first blog I have done in 7 months because I haven't know how to express myself in this devestating season of life. My circumstances have been so big in front of me that they were looming like an unwelcomed friend who just doesn't get the point that I wanted to be alone. Ironically, as much as I have longed for that solace I was scared of what was really inside that I needed to process. Realization rained down, Mr. GG was not my nemesis, I have been. For months, I have allowed my pain to overpower my steps. Crossing the threshold of realization was tough but liberating. The song in Annie, Anything You Can Do, was going through my head and I realized I was Annie and Frank all in one. I can do it better! I can do it bigger! I can do anything better than anything I have ever done before!! Wow, what empowerment when my conversation changed to the acceptance that I wasn't going to be consumed. Circumstances are not going to be bigger and better than me or God's power in me. Sometimes it takes embracing fear, looking past what is obvious, and engaging in the unknown. For me, I had to step out and see that I was in plain site. Hiding behind what might come was destroying me. I ventured into the unknown and during my journey I was enamoured by my new friend who showed me the way.

For that reason, I dedicate this to my forever friend, Mr. Golden Gate Bridge. My enlightenment was amazing. The ride from Fisherman's Wharf to Saucalido was only 8 miles but the truth teller of the journey was in what confidence and strength I gained in the ride!

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Looking Past Your Feelings - Embracing Faith

Einstein said “You can’t solve a problem on the same level of consciousness that created the problem.” What does this mean to us? Do we need someone else to solve our problems? Does it mean we are each victims in the situations which come our way? Absolutely not! Let’s look at what it does mean.

What can one do when feelings are outweighing facts? First, to admit you operate by feelings first in life circumstances is an act of courage. Maybe you feel the only way you can operate in your present suffering or trials is to react. I want to encourage you with a truth regarding situations versus reactions. You are in control of you! Your relationship with yourself is essential to your ability to cope and function in everything and with everyone who is in your path. You can journey down a path which will coach you to be extraordinary in the things to come your way. I know firsthand from personal experience. You see the last few years have been filled with deep trials for me. I had to learn to take control and surrender it my Coach in life.

In 2006, I began a journey to find out what I was searching for in life. Traveling a path attempting to determine what I really wanted and how I was going to get to that place. The two years following encompassed overwhelming events. I made a trip to Hollywood to see if that was the road I wanted to pursue. I found myself forced into redefining relationship in my life, my husband choosing to leave the marriage, a phase of after divorce decisions which were not in line with my convictions. I began to make choices that created chaos in an already chaotic situation. I learned that prescription drug use, attempts with alcohol to escape, entertaining men who were not worthy to be accepted and staying in a place of defeat did not honor my Abba Father. The God of Heaven began to show me how that in the midst of sorrow there could be great joy. It is amazing how promises breathed into scripture begin to come alive when you surrender the defeat and claim victory.

I choose to embrace the bad and replace it with good. It is our minute, hour, and daily decision on whether we change the course of our life by accepting the hard circumstances. Replacing the bad with good not only gives freedom, but it also allows you to gain control over your life (feelings). As my life continued spiraling out of control I must confess that staying in control was not always my reaction. The truth is I finally reached a breaking point in which I was able to reach out for help and sort through the areas where feelings were still enveloping my life. A wise man said to me, “You have to know you are sacred and that means you embrace yourself in self care." I want to ask you, have you gone before the throne and embraced who you are in His image so you can begin to care for yourself?

Another act of courage is realizing that feelings are not facts. While sitting at a conference held by a well known speaker I heard the following idea. Think of your mind as an air landing field. The controller watches to determine what is good and what is not good to land on the field in order to control what comes in and out. You have the same control. Do not let every thought land. Take control of your feelings because they will steer you wrong. Embrace the facts of the moment and fly to freedom.

Einstein was so wise. He understood the fact that our consciousness has the ability to be changed. No one is captive to continue doing the same actions which continue to disrupt their life. Instead, we can solve our own problems with a simple change of the mind. Line up with His mind. Embrace the mind of Christ. Soak in His presence. Be filled. Be encouraged. Live an extraordinary life by making extraordinary choices to replace feelings with facts. You can do this!

Amber Dawn Welsh - Founder and Owner of *EI* Ministries - "eXtraordinary Inspirations"

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Broken and Spilled Out

In 2007 during the time of my divorce I wrote these thoughts. Journey with me through the feels in the dark time to what I've been shown through the pain.

Rambling from my heart in a dark time......
When a person is brave what will they do? Is bravery a fight for justice or surrendering once defeat is realized? With my heart on the line and nothing but the sound of the keyboard and tears hitting the keys I ponder these questions. Who said it is better to have loved and lost than to never loved at all? That is an absurd statement in my opinion.

To love is to put your heart, soul and being on the line. When putting yourself out on the line in every way and that same love isn't returned where does it leave your heart, soul and being? This is the age old question of so many romances of the past. Romeo and Juliet ended their entire beings for love. Cinderella stood above it all and found a happy end to her trials, but did she? Has anyone heard the rest of her story? What happened in the castle in the days following the grand wedding and kiss? Nothing in life is the fairytale we all dream it could be because unresolved feelings and hurts from the past left unhealed and so many other things stand in the way of the fantasty.

Life is only perfect in the movies and cartoons. What happens to us when we wake up and find out our fairytale ends without the goosebumps of a lifetime commitment? Covenants aren't what they use to be in the old days. The only ways covenants could be broken was by something getting killed and blood was shed for it. Covenants broken still require death and the shedding of blood through the unmentionable pain faced by those who are living the nightmare. It isn't enough to love someone if it isn't returned. When the other person realizes how they feel then the lover has to figure out how to heal the blood shed.

- Pain is fleeting but so devestating during the storm. I discovered an important truth about fairy tales. They are real but they do not look like cartoons display them. I live in my very own magical world of revelation, miracles and supernatural rumblings. Running into the arms of the Creator of the Universe is a fairy tale of its very own. If you are suffering through a time like I was as I cried out for understanding in the writing, be encouraged. There is a time on the other side of the pain that is filled with rejoicing. Run into the arms of the one true Prince! The Prince of Peace. You are a Princess of the Most High King. Embrace the truth of real love. It comes from an unchanging source. He doesn't stop loving. He doesn't give up on the covenant you have together. He is the one true Bridegroom.

Romans 8:39 (New International Version)
Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

My Story with Sensory Integration Disorder

Imagine a young boy running and laughing after a ball in the street. You hit the brakes to slow down as he jets in front of your car and see his mother running after him waving an apologetic smile towards you. Driving away you notice he must be four or maybe five years old and his mother is required to still keep a close eye on his ventures or he will get himself in trouble by unknowingly falling into danger. This is the natural way we each think children develop and need be parented.
Fast-forward with me to the present reality and see two healthy, attractive children who are ages seven and nine years old. These children struggle in school and socially struggle making close friends. Loud sirens terrify them and thunderstorms cause fear so deep that they can’t stop trembling. These reactions and symptoms do not sound that unusual. The diagnosis they received last year of ADHD also seemed a normal progression in today’s school age children. This was true in my life, for my children, until I read a local article in a child’s magazine regarding, Sensory Integration Dysfunction. I never realized the depth of what reading this article would produce for my life.

My life has been filled with many amazing moments but many tears have fallen amidst the unexpected. I always dreamed of being a mother. At the age of nine I began to fantasize and play mommy with my baby dolls. I remember vividly planning my husband’s love, our wedding, and children to follow. My dreams always played out with my family being a healthy, perfect, God-fearing family. The plans we have for our lives is often different than the true journey we travel. In Oct 2002, my two little bundles were delivered not by a stork but rather by social workers who were readily handing off these two precious children to an eager foster family. Kyle came to me at 3 years old and Caylee at 14 months. The first things I learned about these new bundles of joy were sad. Kyle had been so neglected he didn’t know how to play with toys. Caylee wasn’t walking or talking and was unable to hold up a cup to get a drink by herself. This is the first phase of my path where I dreamily believed all that mattered was giving them enough LOVE. On December 3rd, 2003 my babies officially became my adopted children who I wanted to learn to love more each day. Love is always enough to heal and remove all of the bad they have suffered…right? I always held that deep belief. May 2009 will forever be a road mark on the journey of my life.

In Oct 2009, I took Kyle to a spirit-filled Occupational Therapist. I was referred to go to her for accurate evaluation from a counselor who attends my church. Walking away, four hours later, I was faced with a reality that was breath-taking. "Mrs. Welsh, your son who is almost ten has a serious brain injury. He is functioning with the cognitive, social and emotional development of a five year old. His therapy needs to be intense and will assist in stabilizing some of the absent areas in his development but we can’t be sure it will completely cure his damage" …………How does the truth of this diagnosis sink in to a mother who thought all the love poured out into him should have been enough to make up for the missing links? ……….Daily, I’m discovering missing links are always missing. The only way the puzzle fits perfectly is by filling in the holes with meaningful replacements or finding the pieces lost.

The next day, I took Caylee in for her evaluation and she was also diagnosed with Sensory Integration. Her disability set her back a year and a half but she was young enough when placed with me to receive much of the needed nurture at a young age. Developmental areas with oral stimulation regarding chewing and other word formations are lacking but with therapy there is much hope for a full recovery.
The continued learning to come will be a struggle although, filled with laughter and accomplishment. The deep pain I face right now is how to look at my son and daughter and realize the damage.

I saw a young boy around the age of nine today at Occupational Therapy. He walked with a slight limp and his neck muscles were not strong enough to hold up his head. He gently sucked his fingers for comfort and looked around with big, interested eyes. The reality of his handicap or brain injury was noticeably obvious. When looking at my children the obvious signs are absent. The internal missing holes are there but unable to be seen to the naked eye. Daily, I hope to learn how to see them as special needs (the "walking wounded") and use the love that heals, along with the therapy, to complete their journey towards healthy futures.

Consider the natural evolution of how our children grow. Children start out as infants and before we know it begin to toddle around and balance against tables and chairs. Many say in a blink the same child is suddenly discovering the opposite sex and acne. When children miss the loving gestures of being rocked to sleep and held up by loving arms to steady them as they learn to walk, it greatly changes the makeup of their brains. Many, if not all of children who are adopted suffer with the dysfunction of Sensory Integration. Please, love on your children while you have them and nurture them with the soft touch of a loving parent before they are more concerned with acne than your attention.

My son ran across the street. His legs are long and he ran to fetch the ball rolling ahead of him. He looks as though he is nine or ten years old to anyone viewing but the truth is unseen. I must be there running behind him, waving an apologetic smile at the car who slows as we cross the street. Though he appears old enough to make it on his own, without supervision he will unknowingly put himself in the line of danger.

Amber Dawn Welsh – Founder of eXtraordinary Inspiration, *EI* Ministries