Surrendering to Rest

Exhausted, fallen yet hope-filled and faithful is the Biblical image of Jesus on the cross. He was hope-filled because His mind was set on the things above. He was faithful because He knew His father well enough to be certain that better times were coming. His sacrifice was worth the pain. Here I sit reflecting on my sacrifice. Since before I left for Africa in July I see the writing. My own words scribbled in my journal, "Father, I surrender my will, my plans, my hopes, my desires, and everything I want to you." What I have seen happen is to have all the things I believed in from a natural standpoint striped away. It's caused my heart to waiver, my faith to crumble, but through it all I surrender to His plan for me. The plan of the Creator can't always be understood by human eyes and my over active mind which loves to plan it all out. 

The journey is my journey because I was bold enough to take a moment to give it all up. I was brave enough to relinquish my own desires. The road is far from over and the journey is not paved. I can never compare my own sacrifice to that of the Savior yet I can reflect on how He reacted to the pain. I don't know how or what is to come. I can't see the end but I can choose to follow the faithfulness of Jesus. He knew His father well enough to know that better times were coming. I know the same. Yesterday, I clearly heard that still small voice inside say to let go and rest during this time of the unknown. So, I rest. While my man searches for a job in the midst of this layoff, I stand in complete surrender. While the medical reasons for my pain and sickness go unanswered, I stand in complete surrender. While we struggle to raise a child who has multiple special need struggles, I stand in complete surrender. While I have receive the diagnosis that forces me to relinquish my fertility producting plans towards bearing a child after 16 years of infertility, I stand in complete surrender. 

Crumbled faith does not have to stay in a heap. Instead, it is being re-established. Miracles abound in the midst of faith-filled living. There is a solid purpose in faith and surrender. Hope is not lost. It is found. My words do not go void as they travel to the throne. I surrender it all because He is the one who loved me enough to surrender it all for me. Don't stay defeated in your seemingly defeated position in life. There is hope. 

If I can do this, so can you. Together, we stand with arms high and hearts abandoned to the One who gave it all. 

 

You Are Chosen! Embrace it!

It has been a while since I have blogged. It hasn't been accidental but purposeful. I have been in a place of learning and growth. Father has been teaching me the principal of sowing and reaping, listening and then doing, and the importance of living authentic to who you are created to be in life. This journey has been filled with joy unspeakable at times and moments of running up against walls that hurt at other times. I'm going to begin sharing with you the journey and encouraging you with what He has and is teaching me.

Last night, I had one of those moment. The one like I was just mentioning of running up against the wall. I am here to tell you that when you hit a wall and your running it leaves bruises. Now the great thing is that bruises will heal. The more healthy you are the quicker the healing over those painful areas will come. The interesting thing is that last night, the wall impact really did cause some tears. I cried for a long time and the realization of what I need to do to recover began to unfold as I became aware of the injuries sustained. The thing was this impact was actually because I turned the wrong direction and was trying to figure out my way without my GPS (God Positioning System). You see, I LOVE, hear me now, I LOVE acting! It is who I am to the core. I love every aspect of feeling, being, interpreting, and encompassing the character I'm playing. So, I had figured out a way for God to use me in this passion of mine. I was going to be in the Christmas production at my church. Now, while this seems like a great and honorable thing to do it was my own plan. I'm reminded that every time in the Bible that Peter figured out what was best to do to accomplish God's will it resulted in pain. Remember when he cut off the guys ear in rage? Yep, that was sure to cause some pain. Well, thankfully, my plan was halted. Although, last night, it didn't seem all that great. I went to church to attend the planning meeting and found out that auditions had happened the last two weeks and were closed and I missed out. Now to someone people they would not see that is as that big of deal but keep in mind I want to act and have felt like God is telling me to focus on Him this summer instead of pouring my time into auditions. For auditions to be closed it means I can't be in the production and even worse, I can't be used by God in the way I had planned (insert foot in mouth) "the way I had planned". - Um, yeah, not my plans by thine be done Lord....ok, lesson learned the hard way.

So, this morning God spoke into me during my quiet time and said, "Hey, Amber, you are chosen, remember? I chose you to do my work. I don't need you to do it or need you in ministry. I chose you to work along side me and be used in my ministry. Seek me and I will make you a fisher of men. Wow! I thought I was doing exactly what would allow me to fulfill my dream and His all at the same time. Reality check, His plan and ways is always more fulfilling and I need to seek His direction rather than attempting to plan it out for Him.

I hope you can learn from my humble sharing of how I hit the wall yesterday. Thankfully, I am spending time with Him and seeking a clear perspective on where He wants me in life. If not, the bruises may have taken longer to heal but, thankfully, the marks vanished this morning as I lined myself up with seeking His plan not my own. I can't wait to be used in the realm of my passions but in His way and His timing it will be a lot better!

Encouraging you today to know your chosen. There is a plan for you life. Seek Him and He will do an amazing work in you. Shalom!