Mother's Day Reflection

Welsh Family 2012

Mother's Day has not always been a day of celebration for me. 8 years passed and every Mother's Day I cried. I sobbed tears of heartbreak and prayers begging for my desire to be fulfilled. Infertility can make Mother's Day painstaking for many. The journey is part of the beauty of where I am today. You see, motherhood comes different for some. Now I am a "mother" to many.  

11 years ago I became Mom to 8 different little ones who walked into my house and then back out through foster care. 10 years ago, 2 bundles knocked at my door and stayed through adoption. 5 years ago, 2 more little lives walked into my life and stayed through marriage. 

Over the last 3 years, I've taken into my heart 3 beautiful daughter's to sponsor from Malawi, Africa and 2 remain under my financial; prayer care.  A year ago, I ministered at a Crisis Pregnancy Center and now get to watch the life of 1 bundle of joy whose mama choose to bring him into this world because of God's words through me.  

 

Each child impacts me in a different way. I impact each child in a different capacity. The impact is the same....
 

 


Motherhood

This Mother's Day, I cry again. My life is full, overflowing with activity, sacrifice, prayers, guidance, laughter, tears, and consistent discipleship of many. 

Surrendering to Rest

Exhausted, fallen yet hope-filled and faithful is the Biblical image of Jesus on the cross. He was hope-filled because His mind was set on the things above. He was faithful because He knew His father well enough to be certain that better times were coming. His sacrifice was worth the pain. Here I sit reflecting on my sacrifice. Since before I left for Africa in July I see the writing. My own words scribbled in my journal, "Father, I surrender my will, my plans, my hopes, my desires, and everything I want to you." What I have seen happen is to have all the things I believed in from a natural standpoint striped away. It's caused my heart to waiver, my faith to crumble, but through it all I surrender to His plan for me. The plan of the Creator can't always be understood by human eyes and my over active mind which loves to plan it all out. 

The journey is my journey because I was bold enough to take a moment to give it all up. I was brave enough to relinquish my own desires. The road is far from over and the journey is not paved. I can never compare my own sacrifice to that of the Savior yet I can reflect on how He reacted to the pain. I don't know how or what is to come. I can't see the end but I can choose to follow the faithfulness of Jesus. He knew His father well enough to know that better times were coming. I know the same. Yesterday, I clearly heard that still small voice inside say to let go and rest during this time of the unknown. So, I rest. While my man searches for a job in the midst of this layoff, I stand in complete surrender. While the medical reasons for my pain and sickness go unanswered, I stand in complete surrender. While we struggle to raise a child who has multiple special need struggles, I stand in complete surrender. While I have receive the diagnosis that forces me to relinquish my fertility producting plans towards bearing a child after 16 years of infertility, I stand in complete surrender. 

Crumbled faith does not have to stay in a heap. Instead, it is being re-established. Miracles abound in the midst of faith-filled living. There is a solid purpose in faith and surrender. Hope is not lost. It is found. My words do not go void as they travel to the throne. I surrender it all because He is the one who loved me enough to surrender it all for me. Don't stay defeated in your seemingly defeated position in life. There is hope. 

If I can do this, so can you. Together, we stand with arms high and hearts abandoned to the One who gave it all. 

 

God-Focus! It Does Your Spirit Good ~ Pass it on!

"Today, I'm choosing obedience. Have been neglecting to follow through in some areas I have been called to do so I surrender!" This is the post I put out on my twitter page today. I put it out there as I took a break from doing one of the very things I was suppose to follow through with doing....Ironically, I realized at that moment that the only person who makes the choices for what gets accomplished in my life is ME!

Several months ago, I was seeking God in my journal. This was over a year ago in fact. I was asking what to do next. On the tear-stained pages, I had written that I was suppose to write a letter to two leaders in Christian Women's Ministry that I look up to in this area. I did not do it at that time because I thought, honestly, will they really ever read it? They are big wigs in the industry who have much more important things to focus on than taking any time for um...me. You know what God said to me about that? He said the only thing I care about is your obedience. Leave everything else alone. Hmmm, but I really think I know some stuff and I really like to have control. I saw how silly my lack of God-Focus is in life. Hello Amber, He is the Great I Am! This means that He not only created the universe and my Father actually ordered it into place but He keeps it all going. When I grasp the fullness of that I realized that my "stuff" and "control" and choices to do what I want to do really are not just silly but foolish.

The key thing I'm learning during this time in my life is that my plans are not bad. My talents and skills are strong and good but surrendering who I am to what He wants me to do is WAY better. Just because we are really good at something does not mean it is what we are suppose to do in life. The key is for each of us to embrace our place. Everyone that knows me very well knows that I'm huge on promoting that people need to follow their dreams and seek with all their heart those things that make them click. Not doing what we are really good at doesn't mean we don't follow our dreams. I think, it simply means that we move forward and do today those things we have to do, even though it may seem like it is off the course of our dreams.

I love the saying that says if the shoe fits wear it. But, in light of God-Focused living and setting our GPS (God Positioning System) towards heaven we might need to go shopping at a different store for shoes. I love wearing shiny, sparkly, high heels but lately I have been wearing my flip flops a lot. They both fit and both are getting me to where I need to be going. Although, I will not, and a major pet peeve of mine is, wear flip flops and a fancy dress or heels and athletic shorts. The key is balancing the right shoes with the right outfit. In life it is the same thing. It is about balancing our time with the right path. Honestly, it does your spirit man good. That is why I'm passing it on to you today. I feel like a million now that I wrote the letters, stamped the envelopes and actually put them in the mail. It isn't about a response or what happens but rather about my obedience.

The more we focus on the right plan for our lives and still embrace our dreams the closer we will get to the right fit for our lives. Go shoe shopping with me! No matter what kind you choose be sure they are the best look for your outfit and that you are following the G.P.S. to get to where you need to go! I am eXtraordinary! You are eXtraordinary! Let's focus and have obedience like it!

You Are Chosen! Embrace it!

It has been a while since I have blogged. It hasn't been accidental but purposeful. I have been in a place of learning and growth. Father has been teaching me the principal of sowing and reaping, listening and then doing, and the importance of living authentic to who you are created to be in life. This journey has been filled with joy unspeakable at times and moments of running up against walls that hurt at other times. I'm going to begin sharing with you the journey and encouraging you with what He has and is teaching me.

Last night, I had one of those moment. The one like I was just mentioning of running up against the wall. I am here to tell you that when you hit a wall and your running it leaves bruises. Now the great thing is that bruises will heal. The more healthy you are the quicker the healing over those painful areas will come. The interesting thing is that last night, the wall impact really did cause some tears. I cried for a long time and the realization of what I need to do to recover began to unfold as I became aware of the injuries sustained. The thing was this impact was actually because I turned the wrong direction and was trying to figure out my way without my GPS (God Positioning System). You see, I LOVE, hear me now, I LOVE acting! It is who I am to the core. I love every aspect of feeling, being, interpreting, and encompassing the character I'm playing. So, I had figured out a way for God to use me in this passion of mine. I was going to be in the Christmas production at my church. Now, while this seems like a great and honorable thing to do it was my own plan. I'm reminded that every time in the Bible that Peter figured out what was best to do to accomplish God's will it resulted in pain. Remember when he cut off the guys ear in rage? Yep, that was sure to cause some pain. Well, thankfully, my plan was halted. Although, last night, it didn't seem all that great. I went to church to attend the planning meeting and found out that auditions had happened the last two weeks and were closed and I missed out. Now to someone people they would not see that is as that big of deal but keep in mind I want to act and have felt like God is telling me to focus on Him this summer instead of pouring my time into auditions. For auditions to be closed it means I can't be in the production and even worse, I can't be used by God in the way I had planned (insert foot in mouth) "the way I had planned". - Um, yeah, not my plans by thine be done Lord....ok, lesson learned the hard way.

So, this morning God spoke into me during my quiet time and said, "Hey, Amber, you are chosen, remember? I chose you to do my work. I don't need you to do it or need you in ministry. I chose you to work along side me and be used in my ministry. Seek me and I will make you a fisher of men. Wow! I thought I was doing exactly what would allow me to fulfill my dream and His all at the same time. Reality check, His plan and ways is always more fulfilling and I need to seek His direction rather than attempting to plan it out for Him.

I hope you can learn from my humble sharing of how I hit the wall yesterday. Thankfully, I am spending time with Him and seeking a clear perspective on where He wants me in life. If not, the bruises may have taken longer to heal but, thankfully, the marks vanished this morning as I lined myself up with seeking His plan not my own. I can't wait to be used in the realm of my passions but in His way and His timing it will be a lot better!

Encouraging you today to know your chosen. There is a plan for you life. Seek Him and He will do an amazing work in you. Shalom!

Hope House Orphan Care

Faisoni Chimcheua at Hope House 3 - One of the many faces of Malawi's Hope House Orphan. The eyes are a reminder of the pain and need encountered by the precious children helped by sponsors. You can sponsor a child for only $20 per month. http://www.hopehouseorphancare.com/Sponsorship.html

I Believe in Miracles ~

Audrey Hepburn said it best, "I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles."

You know what I love about this quote? She didn't stop at telling us she is a girly girl or that she likes a lot of romance. She went on to say she believes that a new day is coming and on the otherside of the moon is a chance for a miracle. We all should embrace who we are and I know we all want a little...romance...but most of all, we all NEED a miracle. There is something in your life that you have been waiting and hoping for. I'm waiting for answers to some huge issues. I have friends who are waiting for answers and solutions to relationship issues, unfullfilled dreams, and so many other things. The list goes on and on. I want you to have that miracle as bad as I want it for myself. The exciting thing is that God wants to perform one for you and me. My problem is that I forget who is on my side. Assuming responsibility results in me losing focus. I start to think about the mountain in front of me, grab a spoon, and start scooping. Believe me, I work dilegently until I'm exhausted. I work with a passion to solve the issue all the while my actions scream, "I can move the mountain all by myself if I just scoop harder and work faster." After a while the only thing that moves is myself as I collapse. If you don't see me as a pile on the floor you will see me short-tempered and close to tears at the drop of a hat. Do you know what I mean? I forget about the great big God that is anxiously awaiting my surrender to Him so He can perform the miracle and move that mountain.

Today, at church, our pastor said we need to start making appointments with God. We make appointments with everyone else but not God. I know He is the one who can do supernatural miracles and yet I don't go to Him first. Something is wrong with that picture. I'm daydreaming about the miracles which will be present this week if I stop trying to make things happen and instead sit back and reorganize my time. I'm committing to putting things in order. God first, family second, career third, and then everything else.

Thank you God for promising us a miracle.

I believe in colors that paint the sky with hope with each rainbow. I believe in love that stands the test of time. I believe in living as if there is no tomorrow. I believe in never leaving without a kiss and saying I love you. I believe the most beautiful girls I know love God with all their heart and it shines on their face as they endure and stand in faith. I believe in tomorrow. I can't wait to see the miracles! ~ Amber

I heart Mr. GG ~

Mr. GG is my new friend. He taught me something about myself that I didn't know I needed to learn. Before I tell about what I learned I want to tell you about my new friend. He is magnificent. The most amazing thing about him is that he listened to everything I had to say and with no words showed me areas in myself that I needed to overcome. The more I engaged the more he responded to me as though we had always been friends. Our time together was short. Really we were only able to spend a few hours together and it was one of the best times of my life! Romance is such a funny thing. He romanced me with his never ending strength. It was like he has always been there and will always be. One thing about Mr. GG is he forever changed me and for that I will always love him!

You see, we met for the first time last week. I was in San Francisco visiting for the first time. I heard he could change my life if I was brave enough to introduce myself and pour out my heart to this stranger. As I was approaching him I realized that I might not be welcomed or comfortable interacting with him. He was huge and I felt overwhelmed by his powerful presence. As I moved closer to meeting him, I realized that I really didn't want to be alone on this voyage. I began to question what I was really fearful of and what that meant in my life. Really now, I tried to slap myself with reality. I'm here in public with lots of other people, although strangers, I was not alone. But, I was the only one who had any idea of the sadness and fear that gripped me in an unknown city where I knew no one's name for miles and miles. This is the moment I will forever remember. I began a dialog with Mr. GG and spilled out all my fears.

Being alone was not really a bad thing, it was a fantastic thing. It was what I needed in order to think about all God has been teaching and showing me lately. I realized no matter how big a situation may seem it is only as big as you give it the power to be in your life. This is the first blog I have done in 7 months because I haven't know how to express myself in this devestating season of life. My circumstances have been so big in front of me that they were looming like an unwelcomed friend who just doesn't get the point that I wanted to be alone. Ironically, as much as I have longed for that solace I was scared of what was really inside that I needed to process. Realization rained down, Mr. GG was not my nemesis, I have been. For months, I have allowed my pain to overpower my steps. Crossing the threshold of realization was tough but liberating. The song in Annie, Anything You Can Do, was going through my head and I realized I was Annie and Frank all in one. I can do it better! I can do it bigger! I can do anything better than anything I have ever done before!! Wow, what empowerment when my conversation changed to the acceptance that I wasn't going to be consumed. Circumstances are not going to be bigger and better than me or God's power in me. Sometimes it takes embracing fear, looking past what is obvious, and engaging in the unknown. For me, I had to step out and see that I was in plain site. Hiding behind what might come was destroying me. I ventured into the unknown and during my journey I was enamoured by my new friend who showed me the way.

For that reason, I dedicate this to my forever friend, Mr. Golden Gate Bridge. My enlightenment was amazing. The ride from Fisherman's Wharf to Saucalido was only 8 miles but the truth teller of the journey was in what confidence and strength I gained in the ride!